a wake up call.
reminded me how capricious life is.
how erratic and whimsical.

always reminding me that i'm not
perfect. not yet.
always reminding me that i'll never
be good enough. never will be.

i lied. my heart does hurt.
it hurts so badly that i thought it
would stop beating.
in fact, it hurts so badly that i
WANT it to stop beating. to lay still.
a part of me wished that my eyes
were playing tricks on me.
but a part of me knew he had his reasons.
i waited. waited when my legs wanted
to run as fast and as far as i can.
my hands were shivering with fear.
everything happens for a reason.
he took a long while to come back
and it gave me sufficient time to cool down.
if he had been back the moment i saw the
text, things would have been different.

although it isnt the first time seeing
my baby tear.
but each teardrop that rolled down
his cheek, cuts me like a thousand knives.
he's already suffering inside
and yet, i have to add onto his troubles.

i think my tolerance/endurance level
must be really good.
to know the person i love is saying
that to another and i can still take
things so calmly.
if its another girl, i'm sure it would be
a straight route down to a full stop.
although i love this man right here.
but i do too question myself
"how long more can i take this?"
"how long more can i take kel as an
excuse to justify his actions?"

i'm so afraid that his arms would be
around her once more.
i'm so afraid that his lips would touch hers.
the same ones that hold me when
i'm upset.
the same ones that kiss me and tells me
that i'm loved by him.
i'm afraid.
although i trust him wholeheartedly
but there's always two sides to a coin.

i dont wish to be kept in the dark any more.
if you see this, please.
i'll give you time. for now.
the day you POP would be the deadline.
i hope you know what to do.
please make her stop loving you.
please make it stop.
please, if you wanna love me.
make it stop.


/that's all i asked of you.